


what is in a name

by KayNight



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Confessions, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation Interruptus, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Masturbation, Post-Time Skip, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:40:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21883891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayNight/pseuds/KayNight
Summary: Felix aches, he wants to scream, wants to press his hands into warm flesh and feel and touch and taste and take everything, everything he has longed for but has always been just out of reach, but now is before him, before him spread out as if a gift from the Heavens  - Dimitri left wanting, left wanting for him, for Felix -
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 8
Kudos: 87
Collections: 2019 Dimilix Holiday Exchange





	what is in a name

**Author's Note:**

> My gift for Maikuuro who requested Training & Post-War Confession! I tried my best to combine the two and add a little heat to it.

It had been the perfect day for a spar, it was the beginning of fall, the air crisp and fresh, cool enough so that working up a sweat made for a most satisfying experience. Felix had dragged Dimitri out to the old training yard for a quick spar during the few hours of downtime they had allotted that day. 

It was fierce and drawn out, as all their spars are, and it was not clear until Dimitri had trapped Felix’s hips between his thighs, blunted spear tip pressed up against his throat, who would be the victor of the day’s match.

The pressure, the position, the rays of the late afternoon sun making Dimitri appear ethereal, all golden glowing hair, bright eyed and teeth bared in victory - it had all been too much for Felix, who realized quite quickly that if Dimitri even shifted just so, he would come across what could only have been an unwelcome surprise. 

And so, like any rational being would upon the threat of discovery - Felix knocked the spear aside and not unimpressively, shoved Dimitri off him. In another time, such a reaction would have been well expected from the taciturn man, but it had been years since then and since a defeat in a spar has resulted in anything more than a huff of breath, a soft smile, and a promise to bring the other to his knees the next round. 

And so, Felix found himself, half an hour later after cleaning up at the bath house, pacing the halls that led to Dimitri’s chambers while trying to decide what to do. 

Fuck, he needed to apologize. 

Say anything to make this right, come up with some bullshit explanation that was not  _ sorry I pushed you away like I still believed you to be more monster than man, in reality I’ve been in love with you this entire time and being underneath you made me so hard I wanted to die _ . 

Yes, that certainly was not going to be admitted this evening, if ever. 

A dozen excuses crafting themselves in his brain, Felix turned on his heel and made his way through the halls to Dimitri’s quarters, which he knew better than his own at this point. Too many late nights in the study with the fire roaring almost as loud as the headache from whatever treaty they were reviewing that night. Too many, or too few, Felix supposes, depending on how pathetic he was that day with pining. 

There are few people allowed unannounced access to the King’s chambers, the few being the former Blue Lions, and of the Blue Lions only three would take advantage of it - Sylvain, Mercedes, and Felix himself. The others were too polite for Dimitri’s own damn good. Felix gave a sharp nod to the guards - one hand-picked by Dedue, the other by himself - who immediately opened the excessively ornate doors and gave him entry. 

Dimitri was, as expected, not in the sitting room, which he only used with guests. Goddess forbid he spend any time in his chambers that was not buried in paperwork or infrastructure maps in his study. Felix began to make his way towards the study, bearing right as it lay in the west chambers, when he heard it. 

A soft groan that echoed through the rooms, breathy and catching at the end. 

Felix froze.

That was - 

Was that bastard injured when he agreed to the sparr? 

It would not be the first time, and it likely will not be the last time, but Goddess give him strength - Felix is going to kill him for it this time. 

Felix pivoted sharply, darted through the sitting room, and pushed through the doors opposite from the study. He kept his pace quick but quiet as he crossed the hallway to the bedchamber, no way was he going to give Dimitri the opportunity to try to hide.

If Felix had cared to pay attention to anything besides the rage boiling under his skin - which he had seized on as the perfect distraction for his embarrassment and planned apology - he might have noticed the low creak of a bed frame, even the sound of muffled panting. 

But Felix has always had a one track mind, so when he pushes open the slightly ajar door to the bed chamber, the sight he is greeted with is an utter surprise. 

Golden hair spilling over broad shoulders, head thrown back, lips parted on a sigh. Hands white-knuckled, gripping so tightly at the headboard it was a miracle it had not already split in two. Hips rocking almost desperately against the pillow shoved beneath them, in wanton pursuit of release. The sight was unmistakable even if Felix had never seen its like before, Dimitri shaking with pleasure, sweat dripping down his spine and thighs straining with effort. 

And then, just one coherent sound among ragged moans: “Felix…”

The gasp of surprise passed his lips before Felix had even processed what had just unfolded before him, what the meaning of it all was. 

Dimitri startled, wrenching his hands off the headboard - and there, it fucking cracked,  _ he cracked the damn thing _ \- and fell back on his ass, catching himself on his arms and his legs splayed at an awkward angle around the pillow. 

The sight would almost be comedic, if Felix weren’t on the verge of a heart attack and if, Goddess, if it didn’t give him a perfect fucking view of scarlet cheeks, an eye so dark it was almost black - and uncomfortably tight sleep pants. The spot of dampness, the outline of his - 

Felix aches, he wants to scream, wants to press his hands into warm flesh and feel and touch and taste and _take_ _everything_ , everything he has longed for but has always been just out of reach, but now is before him, before him spread out as if a gift from the Heavens - Dimitri left wanting, left wanting _for_ _him_ , _for Felix_ \- 

“Can I kiss you?”

Dimitri blinks. He shakes his head, then tilts it, as if trying to see if the world would reorient itself. As if Felix suddenly showing up in his bedroom, witnessing Dimitri pleasuring himself to the thought of him, and then asking for a kiss would just. Suddenly make sense if he shook it up a bit and squinted at it from a different angle. 

“You...?”

“Want to kiss you. Yes. Please?”

Dimitri nodded his head in the affirmative, as if he didn’t trust himself to speak. Felix barely trusted himself to  _ breath _ as he quickly strode round the massive four post bed to the far side where Dimitri was sprawled. Dimitri twisted his head to follow the movement, eye wide and breath shallow.

The kiss was remarkable in how unremarkable it was - how easy it was for Felix to simply lean forward, fists clenched firmly at his side to resist temptation, and press his lips to Dimitri’s. Felix’s eyes had closed subconsciously, but his other senses were flush with stimulation - the soft, slightly chapped feeling of Dimitri’s lips against his own, the smell of sweat and sex thick and cloying on the back of his tongue - and the ringing in his ears, the aderaline singing in his veins. 

Dimitri’s lashes fluttered when Felix pulled away, and he tracked the rise and fall of Dimitri’s chest, flushed down to his nipples that Felix wanted nothing more than to take into his mouth, to trace with his tongue to feel against his lips. 

“I - I don’t understand,” Dimitri breathed, shocked and maybe a little scared.

Felix swallowed hard and felt heat prick at the corners of his eyes.  _ Fuck _ . 

“Why would you - why did you? You should be...”

Angry? Disgusted? Scared?

He’s the last one, he won’t deny it. Straight up terrified. But more than that - he’s. He’s drowning in relief,  _ choking _ on it. 

Dimitri... he feels the same. That may seem awfully presumptive on Felix’s part, but he knows Dimitri. Knows him better than anyone else does. If he were - if he were thinking of someone like that - it wouldn’t be - this is Dimitri. The man never allows himself any pleasure, not anymore, so if he were so wanting to indulge in such an activity and say  _ Felix’s name _ \- 

Felix struggled down a breath and scrunched up his eyes, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes. 

“Felix...?”

He couldn’t look at him. Felix had gotten this far, had shown this much and he couldn’t even - 

“I’m in love with you.”

Silence. 

“That seems like a terrible decision.”

Felix was taken aback by the laugh that stumbled past his lips and shook with it, dislodging his hands and found Dimitri looking even more startled than he was. As if Dimitri had no intended to speak the words aloud at all.

“Maybe. But it’s my decision to make.”

“Why...?”

“I may have made the terrible decision but that does not give you permission to ask foolish questions.”

“Felix-”

“I have been in love with you since before - since before everything. No matter what became of you or of us, my feelings never changed. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I wanted them too. But now - I don’t want them to change. I never did, not really. And these past few years…”

Felix sighed, then, choosing to meet Dimitri’s eye for this, to give him this much: “You are not the boy I fell in love with. And I’ve come to realize it’s not a bad thing. Realizing that… has allowed me to grow to love the man you have become. A King…  _ my King _ , worthy of love.” 

Dimitri gaped at him. 

Was it truly that surprising? Felix had done nothing but fixate on the man since before he could walk - devoted by love and purported hatred alike - there has never been room for anyone else, and there never would be. 

Felix supposes if they were younger than they are now, if that intentional wedge he had driven between them still remained - then he could have expected the surprise. But they are eight and twenty years now, Felix his steadfast advisor for five of them. Or perhaps it was the use of his title in such a possessive manner, rare as it was. Or it was the use of his title while Dimitri was in such a compromising position, as if he were any less regal splayed out looking like temptation itself. In fact, it is quite irritating that despite grinding against a pillow like some wild youth he still managed to maintain an air of desperate dignity, the way the light caught on his hair and the strain of his back muscles - _fuck. Goddess,_ _shut the fuck up._

Honestly, it was most likely the confession. But he would never know if Dimitri did not stop staring at him blankly, mouth gaping like an oxygen-starved fish. 

“Are you really going to leave me hanging like this?”

Dimitri blinked and started, words pouring past his lips like a waterfall, somewhere between desperate and overeager as if he needed no thought to form them: “I love you! Of course, of course I love you. I believe that much... that much is terribly evident.”

“Yeah,” Felix laughed again, less out of surprise and more of warmth this time, “I just wanted you to say it.”

“And you… love me?”

“Did you listen to a single word I said or are your ears gone along with your eye?”

“You will have to forgive my surprise - ”

“No, no I don’t,” at the look on Dimitri’s face - “ _ I mean _ there is nothing to forgive. I… I have not exactly been the most forthcoming with my affections. But I thought at least that I… have grown better at  _ not _ not showing my affections,” Felix finished, incredibly lamely. If his flush had gone down at all, it was back raging at a full-on plains fire now.

It was Dimitri’s turn to laugh, the action softening his expression and easing some of the tension still remaining in his form. 

“So in the training yard…” 

Felix made a miserable sort of noise and gazed up at the heavens as if Sothis herself would deliver him for the admission he must now make. 

“I am... sorry, that I reacted that way. It wasn’t for the reason you assumed it to be.”

“Felix, you do not have to protect my feelings-”

“When have I ever done that?”

“Ah. That much is true.”

“I was not scared… not of you at least. I well…” Felix coughs into his fist, “I was… lets say, overwhelmed,”  _ here we go _ , “... if I didn’t feel so damn guilty, I probably would have just also…” he glanced meaningfully at the mess of bed sheets and the pillow, the cracks in the headboard. 

“Oh.  _ Oh _ … Felix… How long were you standing there?”

Felix flushed, “I wasn’t - don’t be an idiot-“

“I was not, forgive me, I was not accusing you of anything-“

“I heard you. I heard you say my name. Since that moment.”

“Oh.”

“Did you think I simply... saw you like that and decided to...?”

“Ah, no, of course not. I just...”

“Just what?”

“Would not have minded.”

“Dimitri!”

“It is you! It is not as if...” 

“...you... you still could. You’re still...” Felix gestured at Dimitri’s lap, where yes, indeed his sleep clothes were still tented.

“I - ! I could not-“

“You don’t have to, but you just said-“

“Do you want me to?” Dimitri blurted out, eye wild. His grip on the already straining bedding tightened. It was bound to rip at any moment, Felix thought only semi-hysterically. 

“Yes. Yes, I do.” 

Without a word in response, Dimitri let his actions speak for him - twisting away from Felix and back towards the headboard, hesitating momentarily before mounting - fucking  _ mounting _ \- the pillow and returning his hands to their position. He paused and glanced at Felix, nervousness suddenly overwhelming his features. He was looking to Felix for  _ reassurance _ , and if that didn’t go straight to his dick,  _ fuck _ . 

Felix wasted no time in bringing his hand to stroke gently through Dimitri’s hair, shivering slightly at the feeling of silk against his calloused fingers. 

Dimitri relaxed under the touch, leaning his head back and giving one tentative rock of his hips. Felix tracked the movement and licked his lips. Dimitri did not miss a moment of this and gave a soft moan, rocking his hips more assuredly now, soon finding a rhythm. 

“Does that feel good?” Felix asked, mouth dry, flicking his gaze back between the strengthening line of Dimitri’s cock framed by the pillow, and the hazy look slowly taking over his expression. 

“Y-yes... it is not always the most... satisfying, but when there is no other recourse and I just need... I need -“

“To take the edge off?”

“Co-correct.”

Felix made a considering noise and, moving his hand out of Dimitri’s hair, pressed his palm at the base of Dimitri’s spine - pressing him harder into the pillow beneath him. 

Dimitri whined, jerking his hips downwards, rolling his hips, grinding against the pillow while desperate little whimpers and bitten off moans spilled past his lips.  _ Goddess, he was noisy _ , Felix thought dazedly, leaving one hand to feel the strain of Dimitri’s muscles underneath his skin, while he brought his free hand to trace the seam of Dimitri’s mouth. Dimitri flicked his tongue out to taste them before glancing at Felix beseechingly. 

“Kiss me, please. I want you to be closer.”

“Okay. Okay. Yeah.”

Without a thought in his head, Felix ducked under one of Dimitri’s arms and propped himself up against the headboard, sandwiched comfortably between it and a very pleased-looking Dimitri. Felix leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Dimitri’s lips, receiving a soft whine in return. Dimitri removed one of his hands from its resting place to cradle’s Felix’s cheek, tilting his head slightly to change the angle of the kiss. 

“Felix,” Dimitri groaned low and guttural, breaking the kiss - “with you like this, it is, it is as if-”

“You’re fucking me? You can, you know. Goddess - I want it, I want you to fuck me.” 

“Fuck,  _ Felix _ . Have you ever-”

“No. Never,” Felix whispered, a secret just for them, and then almost reverently: “I only ever wanted it to be you.” 

“Felix - !” 

Said man marvelled at the sound of his own name, at the way his lover - for surely he was his lover now even if it has only been moments to claim him as such - shuddered with it, lips parting sweetly around the word, as if in a world devoid of flavor it was still something worth savouring on his lips. 

“Say it again.”

“Ha-ah?”

Felix swallowed. His nails dug into the jut up Dimitri’s hip, and his eyes followed the responding jerk of his hips and moan.

“Say my name.”

“Felix.”

“Again.”

“Felix.”

“ _ Again _ -“

“Felix, Felix, Fe- _ Felix _ , I love you, I love you so much, Felix,  _ my Felix _ \- !”

Felix will not soon forget the vision he walked in on only minutes ago, but it was nothing, nothing compared to this. To the warmth of Dimitri’s skin under his palm, the strain of his muscles, the arch of his back and the twitch of his cock in his sleep pants - eyes scrunched up, cheeks red, teeth biting down on that soft bottom lip Felix was able to taste moments ago - all within centimeters of him, all for him, all because  _ he said he wanted it _ . 

Dimitri slumped forward with a gasp, making sure even his wrung out state to not crush Felix beneath him. One of Dimitri’s hands remained propped up against the wood behind Felix, the other curling warm and tight around his waist as Dimitri buried his face in the smaller man’s neck, doing a terrible job of trying to catch his breath. Felix, for his part, just laughed, light and happy, like a great weight had been lifted off his chest. One unsteady hand brushing through Dimitri’s wild hair, burying curious fingers in the hair at his sweat damp nape. 

_Me,_ Felix thinks, _he wants_ _me_. 

* * *

Dimitri is sprawled on top of him, they’re both sweaty and shivery and the come is tacky and cooling between them - Dimitri had insisted on taking Felix in hand after he himself had finished - and Felix could not give less of a fuck. Dimitri has buried his head into the crook of his neck, pressing weak soft kisses to his pulse point and murmuring all sorts of nonsensical things to him. One of Felix’s hands remains tangled in Dimitri’s hair, the other tracing lazy patterns up and down his spine. Battle maps probably - memorized after so many years, but for once on an area he truly wished to conquer. And there was so much left to explore, so much left to experience. Felix smiled and turned to press kiss to Dimitri’s cheek. After a nap, he decided. Neither of them would be going anywhere anytime soon. 

**Author's Note:**

> bonus lol
> 
> “Why do you... why a pillow?”
> 
> “I... am quite strong, Felix.”
> 
> “Are you genuinely scared you’d rip off your own dick?”
> 
> “It is not irrational!” 
> 
> “We’ll work on it.”


End file.
